Fox Blog 12/12/09 - An Old Xmas Tale

I wrote this years ago being drunk at my computer on Christmas Eve.. It is the original one I wrote.... Enjoy

================================================= 'Twas The Night Before xmas, and all through the house everyone was stoned,even the mouse the stockings were hung without a care hoping that he would soon be here the children were strapped down in their beds due to the fact they were abit loose in their heads and the woman in her bra and placed in my lap looks like i forgot to put on the cap when outside suddenly came such a large clatter I sprang outta bed hearing something go splatter i rushed to the window as fast as i could because i heard there was a prowler in our neighbourhood the moon, how bright on the fresh fallen snow i had to fetch my sunglasses so i can see below and to what my bloodshot eyes did notice a huge pimped out sleigh, all shiney and nice With a fat old driver so druck and high i thought to myself "who the hell is this guy" as they circle around the house as they came i can hear him screaming out by name Now eminem, no jay-z, nah how bout j-low ah to hell with em all, now wheres my jello now if i can land on this house without a mishap i can smoke a j and after take a nap as they pulled up and ready to land he pulled the ebrake on with his hand as they flew up to the top of the roof i thought my poor roof would go poof As they landed ontop of the house i could hear some boards come loose so as i reached for my gun and was turning around i heard that fat man slide down the chimney with a bound he was dressed all in leather, from his head to his belt man its probably all made from a reindeer pelt a bag of stuff this man did bring in hopes of something to give me a fling his eyes how they were red, his face how so white his cheeks were like sheets, man what a fright his mouth so chapped from all the snow and the beard he had almost looked like a giant fro the stump of a blunt he held tightly between his teeth in hopes he could have a little cherry for his wreth he had a broad face and a huge belly man he must have had alotta christmas jelly he was huge and round, a right sight to see and I laughed so hard, i couldn't hold in my pee a wink of his eye and a twist of his head man o man am i ever dead he said nothing but went straight to his work and he took everything, that f-ing jerk and laying a finger inside his nose ha that jerk got stuck in the chimney as he rose As he sprang to his sleigh, the springs gave way and they all fell off the roof in a sway but i heard his scream at the top of his lungs Merry Xmas to all, can someone call me a cab!? =====================================================